


Tales from a Bland Jumper

by poppetawoppet



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, POV Inanimate Object
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2011-02-11
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:32:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4749887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppetawoppet/pseuds/poppetawoppet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>originally written for thegameison_sh cycle one, challenge three, the prompt was other person's POV, which of course meant John's jumper</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I was bought for function. That's what I overheard as I was handled and bagged. The woman distinctly said to the cashier, "I don't care what colour this is, it's functional, and warm, and my brother will probably throw it in a drawer and forget about it."

Apparently I had become any piece of clothing's worst nightmare: a meaningless gift to be opened, admired with just the right amount of false sincerity, and then passed around from person to person until falling apart, unworn.

Except, one day, he wore me. I was the last clean shirt in the closet, and it was extra cold out. Looking at the other clothes in his closet, I realized that this man, this John, did not care about clothes. Perhaps I had hope yet.

He wore me again. And again, until I actually began to know him. His name was John, he was a doctor, and he lived alone.

When we moved, I noticed three things: there was a lot of dust, the other one (Sherlock) wore dressy clothes, and neither of those things seemed to matter to my John. He simply sat in a chair and read the newspaper, as if he had lived here for years.

But then the other one, Sherlock, convinced him to run around to a crime scene in the middle of the night. And then we met a mysterious man in an abandoned warehouse. I had never seen this much of the world, before. John seemed both excited and exasperated.

Me? I was worn. That's all that mattered to me.

*

I did not like the girl at first sight. She smelled too different. She got this look in her eye, a look I remembered from when I sat in the shop. I was not colourful enough. I was too bland.

John, however, ignored her. He never hid who he was. Function first: just like me.

*

Sherlock touched me today.

John had been waiting for so long for him. I do not know exactly what happened. Except John came home after a long absence injured, and Sherlock was not with him. John spent many days wandering the apartment, looking lost.

But today Sherlock walked through the door, and smiled at John, and said

"Just how I thought, beige sweater and all."

Then Sherlock put his hand on me, on John's shoulder. It stayed there for a long time.

I like how it felt.

I did not like the wall, rough, probably causing the back of me to look bad. But I liked the way Sherlock had me in his hand, bunched up tightly, pushing me into John, trying to gain purchase.

John seemed to like it too.

*  
I am in the corner of the room, bunched up carelessly, and lying across one of Sherlock's shirts. I seem to be here a lot lately.

Every time John puts me on, Sherlock has the urge to take me off and throw me in the nearest corner. Amongst other things.

They really need a new hobby.


	2. Coat of Many Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> written originally for thegameison_sh cycle 2, prompt love
> 
> Or Sherlock's coat has some things to say

It’s just that he’s so plain. I don’t understand why Sherlock likes him so much. But I see them touching at every opportunity, and it really burns me.

After all, I was here in the beginning. I’ll be here in the end.

Him? I don’t see him lasting. Sherlock needs more color. Needs someone who can equal him.

I know that perhaps this makes me elitist. A snob. But I am the finest that one can have. I have protected Sherlock in ways that most people cannot imagine.

Just a coat? I am a companion. His signature. (I suppose you could say the scarf adds to his image, but she is only necessary in the coldest of months. I am here even in midsummer, shading Sherlock’s pale skin as best I can.)

He has a signature too I suppose. That dreadful jumper. The beige one. I know I am a neutral color, but black is a fashion statement. Beige is a non-entity that says only that he doesn’t care about his image. Sherlock understands the necessity of some drama. John—John is so exceedingly simple that it pains me to see Sherlock infatuated.

It’s too bad Moriarty is such an ass. He at least understands dressing appropriately for the situation.

*

Then the pool happens. I am not there, but neither is that dreadful piece of clothing either. We spend a lot of time talking. Sherlock and John do not return for some time.

I begin to understand John, much to my chagrin. The jumper is quite sincere, really. Comforting.

No.

This will not do.

But then they come back, and for a while Sherlock is on his own. (He insists it is so John can focus on his career. I don’t think it’s that simple.)

John leaves the sweater. I ignore when Sherlock puts it on the first time. It’s short in the sleeves and too big in the chest. It isn’t as itchy as I thought it would be. In fact it’s quite—

No.

I will not do this. I am a well-made coat. My buttons were hand sewn in London. I come from the finest wool. I—

I like a plain beige jumper purchased at Asda.

No.

I love a plain beige jumper purchased at Asda. It pains me to say, that it may be the best thing that’s happened to me.

*

John comes back because he forgot the jumper. He says he’s missed it, but his eyes say more.

Sherlock hands him the jumper, saying it’s been a great comfort to him.

John blinks, as he always does, and bunches the jumper in his hands.

When he falls into Sherlock’s arms, murmuring how he’s missed it, I contain my glee.

After all, I can’t let on just how much it would have hurt to let them go.

I do have some pride.

*  
Beige is a rather nice neutral don’t you think? It compliments many colors. Plus, it really does hide tea stains very well. And polyester is such an underrated material, in my own humble opinion. After all, it does do so many things…


End file.
